So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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