What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
