At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
