ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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