I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
