I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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