I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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