Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do vagina's smell?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
