I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
