I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
