If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
