I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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