he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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