You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
