3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
