angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
