Can Purell be used as lube?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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