We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can I color on your dick again?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
