i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
honey bunches of taint.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My legs feel like baby dolphins
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
