For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
