I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
