Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
