Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
