I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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