Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
