I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
