I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
