How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Holy sore nipples Batman
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
