I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
