Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
