you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
