i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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