Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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