Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
