I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
