I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
