The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
