i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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