last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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