I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
