all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
