remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's official drugs can't kill me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
