You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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