I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
