He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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