i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
