I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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