just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Operation Purity has been aborted
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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