My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
