weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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