And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
