Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
