i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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