you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
