Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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