then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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