So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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