my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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