Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
