Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
