I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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