i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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