i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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