I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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