If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
