Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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