I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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