dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
