Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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