How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
