either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
